Let's get our fake news on!

The only FAKENEWSletter (probably) where you can get the latest market trends, mortgage news, and social + AI updates all in one place

April 1^st, 2024

So no video about the market this week for a few reasons:

1. The market was a snoozefest! Seriously, basically nothing happened last week that’s worth reporting on. It was so quiet that even mortgage rates almost set a record for boredom, literally. But honestly, no news is good news in a market like this

2. Our Spring Break starts today and I’m knee-deep in child-rearing and whatnot.

3. It’s April Fool’s Day and I love a good excuse to make up a bunch of ridiculous headlines, so let’s have a little fun with it 😁

Really quick, if someone forwarded this email to you, don’t settle for being at mooch. Sign up and get it for yourself here 👇

🏛 Feds Gone Wild: After a long night of drinking and debauchery, Jerome Powell, Mitch McConnell, and Nancy Pelosi decided to solve the housing crisis by using all the gold in Fort Knox to build every person in the country a home. They announced the plan on the steps of the Capitol Friday by pointing at the crowd yelling “you get a house, and you get a house”. When asked about this tactic later they blamed their intense hangovers and burning desire to have an Oprah moment.

🏠 Houses in Blouses: After an aggressive Twitter-storm (now referred to as an X-nado) campaign by Gen Z and Millennial fashionistas, Spanish Billionaire Amancio Ortega showed off a new fast fashion line at Zara called Runway: Residence. This new trend-setting style features clothes that double as pop-up shelters as a way to make housing more affordable. During the unveiling show in Monaco over the weekend, you could hear one look’s announced over the loudspeaker: “this 2 bed, 1 bath Angel’s Pad maxi dress leaves plenty of room for guests and even more for the Holy Spirit.”

🤝 Friends Forever: In a surprise pairing, Presidential candidates Joe Biden and Donald Trump announced that they will be joining forces and running as a single nominee under the new coalition party The Donkephants. Half senile old man half wannabe dictator this new candidate will be focused on some of our nation’s most important issues like:

• giving mean nicknames to all their haters and trolls

• launching numerous investigations into how the internet works

• banning TikToK for national security, then unbanning it for freedom of speech protections

• opening up drilling on all federal lands for the most valuable resource they can think of: how to connect with voters born after 1976

👨‍💼 Unsettling NAR: The National Association of Realtors pulled a classic taksies backsies on it’s recent antitrust lawsuit settlement last week. A spokesman was quoted saying “So like, a lot of our Realtors were like, super mad about the settlement and said they weren’t gonna pay their dues anymore. So we were all ‘nobody said no takebacks, let’s just pull a 180 real quick’ and now we’re having a bake sale to raise money so we can stall and take all this mess to the Supreme Court”. So get ready for a big fight, and get hungry for some of mom’s best brownies yet!

HAPPY ARPIL FOOL’S DAY!

Well that’s it for the best (and likely only) Mortgage AND Media FAKENEWSletter out there. This week if you’re on Spring Break too, get away for a bit with the family, have some fun, and recharge for the rest of whatever this year is turning out to be!

And as always, I’m happy to help you and your clients with anything mortgage, marketing, or social media. See you next week and

Thanks for reading!

John Birke | Mortgage Advisor | Content Coach

NMNLS 1150795

[email protected]

Movement Mortgage
9726 Old Bailes Road, Suites 121 & 130, Fort Mill, South Carolina 29707

www.movement.com/john.birke

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